the month of may

So last month I decided I was going to do some sort of vigorous workout everyday (mostly wanting to run but if it was rainy I would do some other work out) and this went so well for the first 10 days of April until.... my appendix decided it didn't like living inside me anymore. The surgery went fine and I'm ready for a new month.

So I'm an extreme person, I like to do things big I guess... so for May... I want to get healthier, and while I still have a bit of healing to do I want to start a diet. Not just to slim down (though lets get serious, beach season is coming!) But it's mostly about discipline for me. I need to learn to discipline myself and a diet is a good way to kill 2 birds with one stone!

I am going to be eating only raw food for a month, after the month I'm going to try to incorporate mostly raw foods in my everyday, but if I need a little chicken or bacon I'm not gonna say no! But this means raw fruits, veg, nuts, a lot of smoothies and salads! I'm excited to try something new and I'm excited to be eating healthy. I've been getting my hands in to too much McDonald's and chocolate lately. Well this is to help teach myself my body is important, and also that I can't eat that crap forever or one day I'm going to be a fat roll-y sweaty old lady!!!

So I'm going to be (trying) to post daily on my struggles and successes!

Tomorrow morning I think I'll start with a yummy breakfast smoothie!

Wish me luck!

Dreamer.

Ah life.

who can really explain it? I don't think artists, nor poets, nor scientists, could really explain how it all works. It is truly a mystery.

So I know that since I was quite young I've had big dreams... big ideas... I always felt like Belle (there must be more than this provincial life!) ha- remember that song from Beauty & the Beast? But she's right! There has to be more! And I've know it since before money could have ever had its grip on me. I've always know this life is big and that its going to be a great adventure. Why shouldn't it be?! Why would I settle for a 9-5 a white picket fence and a cute little dog? (though right now a cute little dog sounds nice!) I'm not saying I dont want nice things, I just never want to settle! I never want to get comfortable with just being okay... I want to feel like a child until the day I die! Even if I die at the age of 100! I want to have a life full of dirt and tears and scratches and loving and bare feet! I don't think that's too much to ask!?

So I have always believed I need to dream big... well I have told some people my dreams...but tonight I tell you all... here are my 2 biggest dreams that always weigh heavy in my heart:
-open an orphanage. love many children. help rebuild. give hope
-start some sort of sex trade rehabilitation thing. for the women...who have been caught in the horrible industry. help them learn a skill so they can work to make honest money instead of working as prostitutes.

I know these dreams are CRAZY big...like INSANE...but wasn't building an arc? Or crossing the red sea? or feeding 5000 with a couple fish? God did all of that and if he has installed big dreams in my heart I believe He's going to help either me carry out these dreams or help someone else to do it. As long as I am involved.

I like dreams. I like when they come true. It's a little bit of heaven coming to earth.

Earnestly I Seek Thee

I don't know what's going on.

It's not a bad thing. It's just confusing.

You know when you see a small child and they can't make sense with their speech yet, but you can tell they so badly want to understand you? Well that's sort of how I'm feeling right now. I understand English, but I'm trying to understand God right now and I can't.

The last month has been a roller-coaster of up's and down's and I've been afraid of just getting comfortable again, which I guess is what's happening, prayer doesn't happen as frequent, time spent worshiping considerably less, and our bible reading...Ha its horrible.... I think we have like 20 chapters to catch up on! With all this being said, I can feel God pulling me in....I have this urge like none other inside me thats just saying "I NEED YOU".

The problem here is I'm not sure how to get close to God...do we work well just in a quiet place reading the bible? (and if this is so where do I open up? that book is like thousands of pages!) Do I go outside and listen to worship music? Do I attempt a worship song on my guitar? Do I pray? Do I read Godly books? Tell me Lord how you want to speak to me. I guess if worst comes to worst I could try all of the above and just see what He is trying to tell me.

Man....being Jesus's friend is alot of work.
I'm glad its such a good friendship to have though. And I guess he does do alot for me too ;)

Okay- Time to chill with Jesus!

A Quick Rant.

American Apparel.

simple. nice clothes. fairly made. soft core porn.

how is this acceptable? I remember back when all I bought was their shirts and their hoodies because it was all made fairly and not by sweat shop kids, and they're ads were always risk-ay but now its a whole new level.

I feel ashamed when I look at their site because it's so explicit. I feel bad for christian guys who wanna look at buying shirts because it's a trap for men to just look and lust at boobies... I mean come on society, do I really need to see her bare breasts if I wanna buy those leggings? WHY ARE HER BOOBS IN THE PICTURE IN THE FIRST PLACE! I WANT PANTS NOT HER NIPPLES. It makes me SO MAD and SO FRUSTRATED that we've allowed this.

sorry for the rant. I just had to express how disappointing I am in the models who allow this and the advertisers who think we need to see T & A in every shot. I think your in the wrong industry...