blast from the past

So I needed to write a little more today.
I took a day off today, no wedding planing, I did however finish a project, but it was fairly easy and kinda fun, but I didn't really do much. I sat on the couch in the sun and just loved it.

While on the computer a friend skyped me that I haven't talked to in a long time, well we got talking about pasts, and present, and we talked about friends and family, and she mentioned a few people she knows really struggling with life. It was hard hearing all this bad, but she herself was doing so good and looking at all the good God is doing in her own life and not dwelling on the negative things around. So it was good talking to an old friend, but hard hearing the sadness in peoples struggles.

Later in the day I skyped with another old friend, again, great to catch up but I learned some sad things. This certain friend was what I thought to be a strong believer of God, someone who saw God and saw things He does/did for others and herself. She had good friends, faithful family, church, but when I spoke on the phone with her she told me she was contemplating her faith. She still believes there is a God, but as far as the Bible and miracles and stuff she seemed so unsure. My heart wrenched the whole conversation, but all I could do was to love on her. To tell her I was not condemning her for her feelings, and I encouraged her to continue searching for answers.

Today was hard because God showed me a feeling I have yet to feel... this gut wrenching, heart in your throat type feeling. When your eyes sting and your hands sweat and you feel so helpless. Not knowing what to do I called my soon to be mother in law for just comfort and strength and she pointed out something that is lingering in my head. She told me if this is what I feel, imagine how HE feels... wow. yea. so I hurt a lot...how does God feel... these are His hurting children. I am seeing it everywhere lately, children falling away not knowing what they believe, not knowing what they stand for anymore, pretending like the miraculous life they live is just chance and not created by our Father! So while we were talking I felt like if I am hurting like this for these people around the world, then this huge hurt is there for a reason (not just because I am a mushy suck and cry at every sappy movie) but the hurt is there because maybe (well not maybe most most likely) God is calling me to stand the gap for these people... "me?... God...you want me to pray for these people? How can I possibly do ANYTHING to help?" But he does want me to help. I can feel it. And I want to help these people find the truth again... And I will be praying hard for it.

So if your one who is contemplating your faith, your not sure what YOU believe anymore... ask God, look in the Bible, just listen to your conscience, look at your life, good and bad, you KNOW you were created with divine purpose and love.

and if right now your just reading this to read it and love God and follow Him... I urge you right now to take a few minutes and pray for the lost, pray for the confused, the wondering... pray that their eyes be opened and that the only answer is God.



And thank you God for always keeping me close to you... you let me get close to that edge of the cliff... you trusted your little girl... it must have been tough seeing your daughter so close to danger when you didn't want her that close, but you let me make my choices. You don't force me to love you, you allow me to. You didn't force me to open my eyes, you helped me. I thank you for all the hard lessons I've learned in my life thus far and I just pray you continue to guide me through the right paths and help others along the journey. Love you daddy :)